Through Heartbreak I believe I am still Blessed
I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this for you all to read, but I feel like it's one of the ways I'm forcing myself to work on healing.
This morning I went to yoga & committed to make it a regular practice through the month of June. I usually work out at the gym or outside (going on a run or doing intervals), but I can't bring myself to step outside & run without the dog that was always by my side. I can't seem to find motivation to set up a circuit or do hill repeats when I know I'm not going to have Denzel forcing me to sprint faster or licking my face as I hold an elbow plank.
I'm doing something different & I think that's what I need right now. Being in a group setting forces me to keep it together (at least for an hour) & such a spiritual & emotional practice mentally prepares me for a day of work.
The past few days have been super long, but yet such a blur. I refuse to give in to just burying my face in a pillow & calling out of work, so I get up & fight. For some of you reading this, it might seem silly that I am so emotionally invested in my dog - but for those of you who think that, you must not know the love of a dog. You also must have never seen the scene of a sweet, innocent animal suffering.
I've lost a dog to cancer before & it was hard, but knowing that it wasn't preventable, helped me grieve. Losing Denzel so quickly to this rare incident, makes everything much more difficult.
All of that being said - I somehow still feel unbelievably blessed & I thank all of you for that. People I haven't talked to in years & even people I don't even know have messaged me & shown me so much love & support.
Those kind words help me be a little bit stronger...and makes each day just a little bit easier.
I think I'm writing this to tell you that regardless of a situation, there's always reason to fight & there's always reason to be grateful. What happened is heartbreaking and I know it will take time for me to heal, but there's a little flicker of hope inside of me due to all of the love I have received. Thank you for that.
I will continue to fight & although a piece of my heart is permanently gone to that amazing & goofy black lab who taught me the art of patience, how to love greater & how to work harder...I know I will get through this.
Thank you all for your concern & encouragement.
xoxo ~ H